1. That Place Down The Block
You know the place. Everyone’s been talking about it since they opened in June. It’s really just a dimly lit room full of fake wood and old couches, but that’s cool now. You’ll go, and you’ll pretend that you enjoy it.
2. The New One Near Sarah’s Place
Your friend Sarah has been hyping this coffee shop for months. You know when you get there it’s just going to be some motor oil and whipped cream in a cup that looks good in Instagram pictures. You’ll drink that swill for an Instagram picture, won’t you?
3. The Starbucks with the Spoiled Milk
This Starbucks has spoiled milk more often than it doesn’t. You know that, and yet, here you are. Back again. Ordering the same thing they put spoiled milk in last week and hoping for a different outcome. Good luck.
4. The One that Doesn’t Use Milk Anymore
You’re trying to impress your judgy friends, and that takes a commitment. This time, that commitment is to overpriced coffee that only utilizes dairy alternatives. Signal your virtue to all your friends by indulging in their milkless, joyless coffee, and wishing you’d made different choices in college, your career, and your love life. But hey, at least it’s coffee, right??
5. Still Starbucks, but With a Different Terrible Flaw.
You know this Starbucks messes up your order almost every time, but you still went there four times last week. Let’s be honest, they pretty much have you figured out. You didn’t eat lunch yesterday because an $8 sandwich was too expensive, but you’ll be at Starbucks again today, wondering why you keep doing this.
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